With A Name Like Smucker's, It's Probably Got To Be Confiscated
According to the Transportation Security Administration's website, "Due to enhanced security measures liquids, gels, lotions and other items of similar consistency will not be permitted in carry-on baggage."
Blah blah blah. As we have all seen on the news, non-solids like deodorant and Gatorade are being thrown out by the tons when one confused or careless traveler after another forgets to check these items.
Coming home from Quebec this week, I forgot to check my make-up bag and watched helplessly as three security guards casually tossed several tubes of lip gloss, many I haven't used in years. They said it was more because the shades were out of style and it was for my own good. This from a place that gave us Celine Dion!
Anyway, as a service to my reader, I present...
Other Potentially Incendiary or Hazardous Items Not Permitted On-Board:
- Aneurysms
- Gasolina
- Jars of Clay
- Pop Rocks (unless flight does not offer cola)
- The parts of Shakira that do lie
- The cars that go boom (only applies to the devastating JJ Fad)
- Lactating Women are Fine But Lactating Men Should Take A Bus
- KY Warming Gel
- Leaking Spinal Fluid
- The Online Poker Explosion
- Sharts
Items Okay to Fly:
- Crying Babies
- Non-Muslim Fundamentalists
- Prescription Dick Pills
- The solid toiletries you stole from the hotel
- Track Suits Worn By Aged Travelers On Their Race to The Grave
- Aerosol Sneezes
- How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb by U2
- Liquid Filled Bladders
- Haterade
- White People
Blah blah blah. As we have all seen on the news, non-solids like deodorant and Gatorade are being thrown out by the tons when one confused or careless traveler after another forgets to check these items.
Coming home from Quebec this week, I forgot to check my make-up bag and watched helplessly as three security guards casually tossed several tubes of lip gloss, many I haven't used in years. They said it was more because the shades were out of style and it was for my own good. This from a place that gave us Celine Dion!
Anyway, as a service to my reader, I present...
Other Potentially Incendiary or Hazardous Items Not Permitted On-Board:
- Aneurysms
- Gasolina
- Jars of Clay
- Pop Rocks (unless flight does not offer cola)
- The parts of Shakira that do lie
- The cars that go boom (only applies to the devastating JJ Fad)
- Lactating Women are Fine But Lactating Men Should Take A Bus
- KY Warming Gel
- Leaking Spinal Fluid
- The Online Poker Explosion
- Sharts
Items Okay to Fly:
- Crying Babies
- Non-Muslim Fundamentalists
- Prescription Dick Pills
- The solid toiletries you stole from the hotel
- Track Suits Worn By Aged Travelers On Their Race to The Grave
- Aerosol Sneezes
- How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb by U2
- Liquid Filled Bladders
- Haterade
- White People
posted by claudia at 5:52 PM
6 Comments:
Apparently swords are not allowed on planes according to the TSA site, woe is me.
yes, my sweet, yes.
I'm sorry but Tigra and Bunny liked the cars that went boom, not J.J. Fad. But regardless, neither group would be able to get the explosive 808s on board a 747 anyway. So much for star-power.
Ooh, is my face red, Hotchoqlit! Thanks for the correction. Maybe when everyone's asleep I'll go back and change it. Or not. I'm too lazy.
Just as long as I can still bring a whoopee cushion, my Spock ears and my Paris Hilton CD.
I snuck my sharts on a plane. And I'll do it again, praise Allah.
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